I began my Lenten journey much earlier than I realized.
Christmas night we saw a full moon, a rare occurrence. A new beginning. A new life born to us once again. I am finding comfort and wisdom in our Holy One’s creation, the moon. Her cycles are a connection to nature at its most ancient. She is constant in the way of gentle guidance, not a nagging pedagogue.
Through January I experienced many losses, those stepping through the veil into a new cosmic Life.
As Luna cycled large to small and back once more, I am able to take comfort in her faithfulness, a presence holding me firm. She is a reminder of our cycles.
And so I am at Lent, seeing it with new eyes.
A dark moon greeted us two days before Ash Wednesday. The dark moon cannot be seen, our shadow covering her. Hiding Sun’s light. Giving me the peace and still of darkness. Allowing time to not see clearly. Being blind so I can listen.
I made some drastic changes to my life, releasing a love and a passion for now, knowing a different path is needed. Listening, I realize that I must rest and hear yet more deeply.
So I returned to a place of silence to begin once again.
In the dark of night beneath a cross hung high above an altar, I entered my daily meditation. A light shown brightly on Him, the rest of the sanctuary and myself in blackness. When I opened my eyes, I again asked the haunting question, “Why?” This image? What is it that I am being asked to understand?
I know it is not about Him “dying for my sins.” That was a past life. It just doesn’t make sense any longer on so many different levels.
Last year I explored Magdalene. I wrote a monologue based mostly on the Gospel of John. I walked her path and listened to her voice. I came to understand the “Why?” but only partially.
I came to understand that we are deeply loved, but we just don’t get it.
Each and every one of us, each and every creature, each and every thing made, is a vessel containing our Holy One’s grace and love and being to be given away freely. There is no bottom to this gift. We won’t run out. We truly are the hands and feet and eyes and minds of God on earth in the cosmos. But we just don’t get it.
So Jesus God, came to show us that we are so loved, so powerful in what we do, that He became a person, just like you and me. He was a man who walked on this earth, loved, cried, and also needed help understanding. The Syrophonecian Woman was a teacher, as many others He would encounter who would inform his life.
We are Wisdom.
It is within each of us. So much so, Jesus also learned from us.
Jesus came to us to help us see what we can do as people, how to look into each other’s eyes and see Spirit in ourselves. Care for all the things on earth, because everything is made of stardust, our Cosmic Source. There is no disappearing or loss, just transformation.
Then why did Jesus have to die?
In Bonhoeffer’s words, I came to understand that God understands our struggles. And Our Infinite Love cannot leave us because we are Oned. Yes, we will suffer but Spirit is here within us. Only we don’t always realize it, or help others find it through their pain and suffering and hate and fear.
Earth dies every year to remind us life is a struggle. Luna cycles from darkness to full light to remind us Light is always here, even if we can’t see it. Everyone and every creature dies and moves through the veil into cosmic Oneness. We are constantly transformed.
Lent is no longer a time for me to put on sackcloth, suffer, moan, and ask forgiveness.
Lent is a new beginning slushing through the melting ice that creates such a great muddiness, that sloppy rich earth from which new life will sprout.
I walk this Lent in darkness and stillness
to hear my Loved One’s voice.
I remember the times I didn’t look long enough
to see Spirit in each being, person and animal,
I meet. Or care for the living earth
or cobbled stuff that fills this physical plane.
I move to accept myself absolutely
for my past ignorance and rejoice
in the beauty and love I share from Within.
I remember the root command,
love one another.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
A grateful heart to Eileen Terry and her gift of
*Thomas More, Original Self, Living with Paradox and Originality
to inform my prayer.