The fall began when noise roiled hot
leaving no space to catch its notice
Drop by drop the fallen exploded
meshing itself within turbulence
I didn’t feel, just empty pocks
within, abandoned tiny voids
To hear Your call I had to learn
it is native, there my ear must rest
Still myself, sink into your hush,
overpass the cry of caterwaul
And like a snowflake first in storm,
no two alike, just me, listen
You called my name and filled the
blanks, Samuel touched the same
Not one of his words fell to the ground
so cherished are You, so devoted
I hear and see your gifts native to
my soul, entrusted only to me
I hold words, safe from slight
I relinquish who I am from Within
My foodstuff is word, my provender
a voice to carry vision of those
long gone, I stand with the fool
and the actor, the poet who
nourish native ground, deep
within where only You and I
are One. I beat a pondering
to pull all in to see. This is my
appointment, my named called,
as Samuel, I too, am the Divine’s servant.
Today at Mass I came once more, face-to-face with my life-long struggle. Our first reading was from 1 Samuel 3, God calling Samuel. The final line read was, “The Lord was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of Samuel’s words fall to the ground.”
None of Samuel’s words fell to the ground.
Of course, they were not Samuel’s words. He was only the vehicle. Samuel’s job was to carry His words. I heard my call again.
As always, Fr. Scott challenges us in his homilies. His own work with the homeless in downtown Denver, our new space that will serve our families in Aurora, and all those amazing people who are in the trenches, cut deep into me.
Here I sit with “drama” and word.
I’ve struggled all my life, growing up with Roman Catholic guilt, wanting to help people.
I heard my call, His call, all of my life. I’ve acted since I could walk. In high school, college, and years of running a traveling theatre for children, that was where I thrived. And just a few years ago, I learned that I have a passion for writing.
But I wasn’t helping people.
And I needed health insurance and some kind of retirement. So I became a teacher leaving my other life behind, covering up the call, trying to ignore it. Fast-forward about thirteen years.
I found a new church, an amazing place, where a dear soul who somehow heard my call brought it back to my attention after years of neglect. He offered a safe place to try it out once more, this time with purpose. Not only have I been given the opportunity to act, but also to write.
I am learning to understand what I do does feed people. Not food for their bellies, but deeper. Most people don’t get this. “Drama” is not really seen as much more than entertainment.
I will continue on my path – writing, of course – but more important, bringing women from the bible to life through my vision and learning.
I will continue writing new liturgy with dramatic elements that challenge because it is an alternate way, not securely tucked into the box of traditional ritual.
Most importantly, I will continue to listen to the Voice from my native ground who grows my soul.
And as I grow up, listen to and believe what I hear, my words will not fall.